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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in forgottenleader's LiveJournal:

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    Monday, September 10th, 2007
    9:13 am
    Do you ever get the feeling that you're being put at the back of the bus?

    Thats me right now.
    Friday, September 7th, 2007
    11:28 pm
    Oh man. So band camps are finally finished. It was so much more fun than the past two years. It's kinda funny cause Mr. A wants me to come back to play bass drum. I cant wait for him to ask so i can laugh in his face. I have been wearing my soccer shoes the whole time and apparently my feet dont want to stop growing, so the shoes are too small. My big toe on my right foot has "skin" and what not trying to grow over the nail now and apparently ive busted it open 2 and made my sock and floor all bloody. Now i need to see a doctor and my parents think ill have to have surgery which they dont want to pay for. Rent, electric, and phone payments sucks. I worked till about 10 tonight then i work from 6 to 330 tomorrow morning, school is coming up and i still cant get into a bio class. some times it just feels like im going it alone.

    Im tired

    Catch ya on the flip side.
    Saturday, September 1st, 2007
    11:26 pm
    So, I've finally decided on a major. Vet Tech. I feel kinda stupid cause it's only and associates degree and my parents still really want me to get my BA. Apparently my cousin Niko graduated from Cornell having something to do with a vet degree, so im prolly gonna email him. I havent seen or talked to him, hell ive never really talked to him ever. I was always too shy. But anyways. I really missed band over the summer and am loving it now. I love my friends and I missed them a lot. Esp my brothers. I miss Holly like there is no tomorrow. Again, i see all these band couples and they get to see each other more than 1 or 2 a quarter. It makes me jealous but at the same time im so glad i have we have our space. I just wish that i could see her like 2ce a month. Im always worried about what's around the corner. I never know what to expect esp after freshman year. Man that was rough. I really miss going to church cause i work like a horse now. Well, i work early and often. It's gonna be interesting to see how this year goes. Sometimes i wish i was made of money so i could visit holly and basically do anyhting i want but, at the same time, i always promised myself to not let money control me or try and care too much about it. Im just worried about a bunch of things. Happy I know my true friends. I just wish that when holly called it didnt seem like she old called cause she was bored or traveling. I just want it to feel like she wants to talk to me. (I guess thats kinda stupid to think like that cause she wouldnt call if she didnt want to talk) but you know what i mean.

    I think i put this on private so only i can read it but, i guess it really doesnt matter if it's not private.

    I miss the days of growing up. The old growing up. I wish i could do it over again and not be shy. I wish I could really tell. Ya know? If i could really tell every day, even if it wasnt true for that day. I wish I knew. I wish i could just watch the fireworks with holly resting her head on my lap or chest while wearing a hoodie cause it's kinda chilly out.
    And im done. good night.
    Fight tenaciously.



    p.s. I miss you grandpa and grandma.
    Tuesday, March 27th, 2007
    1:29 am
    Week
     So, spring break is over and I already have one of the busiest weeks of the quarter. Classes are already hitting full force with homework and projects. Rob (our chapter historian) is on coop and he left me in charge and we have to put on district convention this weekend. It's my brothers birthday on sunday and I would really love to spend the weekend with the family. I've got my friend phil in town who I'd also like to spend time with. It just seems that 24 hours isnt enough. How about we increase that to 29, make it something really random and prime. That would really fuck with people. Man, I just wish that sometimes things would be reciprocated.

    Current Mood: tired
    Friday, March 23rd, 2007
    11:07 am
    Plaine et simple. Je t'aime houx.
    Llano y simple. Te quiero acebo.
    Ebene und einfaches. Ich liebe Dich Stechpalme.
    平野及び簡単。私はヒイラギ愛する。
    Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
    4:15 pm
    Spring
     If finally feels sooo nice outside. This is the weather I was born in. It's so nice, I could run around naked all day. Thanks for the sun, warm weather, and most of all the breezes that help me flap in the wind. ;)

    Current Mood: excited
    Friday, March 9th, 2007
    2:09 am
    Phone
     Im so excited that I actually got through to holly's cell phone. Although I was half asleep when i did it. I tried like 10 times to get it and i finally figured it out. YAY! Its early and just woke up YAY! What movie should I watch tonight?
    Tuesday, March 6th, 2007
    4:00 pm
    It has been awhile.

    Man, this crap is crazy. So I know I want to switch majors. Education just isnt the love in my life. I really wanna find what I love to do. I love working outdoors, nature, animals, physical exercise. I've always been taught growing up that I pretty much have to go to college, get a white collar job and make a lot of money. I just cant imagine myself doing that. Now, all I can think about is being a park ranger, a carpenter, a policeman, or a firefighter. I just can sit behind a desk or be indoors all the time. Although I havnt gotten much exercise recently I love to do it. I feel aweful if I dont excersise for awhile. I dunno. I just wish I could figure out what the heck I want to do. And have a job that will provide for my family and be flexible. Man, do I really want a family. I guess that's what I'm craving most. Is just have a wife. A person that will stick by my side through thick and thin. I know its bad but I cant stop thinkng about that over my job and education situation.

    Besides that, I miss Holly a lot. I've been having some really weird dreams that I only get when something is really bugging me. A lot of sharks, ghosts, and creepy situations just pop up in these dreams.

    Why is it that when ever i write anything on here its usually my most deapest thoughts? It's usually never anything that good or fun. I guess i like to vent on here.

    Current Mood: tired
    Friday, November 10th, 2006
    3:48 am
    Well, the past couple of days there has been some major fingure point at me. It all has to do with my character. Yes, i have a negative attitude right now. Yes, I am self centered about somethings. But each person needs to evaluate what is important to them in life. I swore to myself that money would never take presidence in my life. Now, my major reflects that, but my ruthless job does not. Now, i could complain a shit ton and write about all my lifes problems, but that can be fixed very simply and it all has to do with me. Ive been pushed into a position where I cannot hide anymore. One of the hardest things about growing up is taking responsibilty for your own actions even when you know what you did is wrong. It's about supporting people and not being a total fuck face. It's about making time for things that you love even if at the moment you hate it soo badly. It's about making those bad things you hate fun and enjoyable. It's about getting some fucking sleep. It's about friends. It's about saying fuck you every once in awhile (at an appropriate time.) Its about taking it, cause that's all I do anymore.

    I dont know how many countless friends and family members i talk to about there problems and listen. I really try to listen. It's getting so hard to do things for others and not be self centered. I dont wanna be self centered. When was the last time you tried to go out of you're way for someone. Put your balls on the line against everything else just to help a person or see them face to face. I follow so many orders I dont know which one are mine and which one are my friends, bosses, and families. You just have to be a giant vaccume and suck everything in. I dont really get time to stop reflect and enjoy the scenery. Do not fuck me. Do not fuck with me. I really just wish I could go to church again. You get so lost and you dont know why till it stare s you in the face. It's like dangling a piece of broccoli in my face when i can get pie, cake, candy, fatty meat, or sugary high cholesterol. Why would you want the plain, bland piece of broccoli when you could have all the tasty food you could ever want? ...Because! It is GOOD for you. You might not like it but it's good for you. So quit being a STUBBORN ASS AND DO WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU. Quit screwing yourself and do what is best for you. But at the same time make what is good for you fit around what is good for everyone. That my friends is the hardest part to deal with. We have to give up so much of ourselves, for the good of "others" and still get the shaft in the end. Even though those others dont return the favor in anyway...it's for their good.

    I hate it when he says, "bigger pitture". It's friggin picture and yes, you make me want to vomit and try something different. Everyone pushes and pulls me in one way or another and sometimes it;s just like "WOAW!" that's not me, slow the balls down.

    Elliott and his lack of sleep crazies made me crazy. I wish that everyone was understanding. I wish that people were nice, compationate, and were just a weeeeee bit selfLESS. My gosh! would it kill ya to be nice and go out of your way for someone when they go out of there way for you? Please be nice, generous, and dont be prude and selfish. We are all human, lets start treating each other like we are. I am reminded of the Golden Rule...Treat others the way you would want to be treated.....................................Simple.................................

    good night.

    With love,

    Your Forgotten
    Wednesday, November 1st, 2006
    9:55 pm
    Well, Im not really sure what the hell is going on, but I can bet that I dont like it. I dont like the distance one bit.
    Sunday, October 29th, 2006
    9:54 am
    Christmas
     My Dad's been bugging me on what I want for christmas. He wants to get all of the bills out of the way and I can't blame him. I go through the same problem every year. What do I really want and need? Well, to tell you the truth I've got a ton of stuff that I want but really dont need, so why waiste the money. I know my parents dont really care, but I do. I know what I really really want for Christmas though. I would love it if I had 2 weeks off of work...2 weeks that i could spend with family and friends doing whatever we want. My chances of this being realistic are 0%. I would more than anyhting in the world to be with those that I love.
    Thursday, October 26th, 2006
    1:22 am
    Ya know, there have been many days this year that I have gotten crapped on already. Start a list and mark it all down. It ranges from Boss, Band, Bad Director, friends, family, and even myself. Today for example, who crapped on me? In the morning: myself and family. YAY! Afternoon: Boss. YAY! Night: Perc Director. YAY! And at the end of the day when all is said and done and everyone's colon is dry, I think...Hey, I've got my health, (for now) mental capacity, (for now) food, shelte, and myself. Can I really ask for anything more? I've learned to keep my mouth shut or say it VERY loudly. I've learned there are a lot of people in this world that are trying to get ahead for themselves and throw others to the side. I dont wanna be one of those people. And Im not. So you sit there and think, "man that was a terribly crappy day." Eh. There are more important things to life than bickering about how much money you are or are not making, how well you can learn your music, or how smart you really are. I've never asked a whole lot from other people and I dont plan on it. Ya know, Im everyone elses force field and I like that.

    Current Mood: dorky
    Saturday, September 23rd, 2006
    9:55 am
    After 2 classes and an 10 hour work day, i finally get home. Last night was Monte Carlo Night (card games) and it was over. There were about 10 people in my living room, so i decided to watch TV with them. (I think Star Trek was on) Anyways... I pass out right away and of course like usual, when i sleep my mouth hangs wide open. It was a nice peaceful sleep, until i wake up at 630 to find 2 skittles in my mouth. Apparently everyone was playing a game trying to throw skittle into my mouth. How exciting for me. Oh and everyone told me my hand was twiching. My 2 down falls when i sleep. Mouth open and hand twiching, thats gotta look pretty creepy.

    Current Mood: sleepy
    Monday, September 11th, 2006
    11:36 pm
    If you asked a dying man what his last wish is he would say that he made a difference in some ones life, not to live life over, there time has past and come. What would you wish for if you saw things slip right through your fingures. Would you want those things to turn into butterflys (or flutterbys as i like to call them)? Would jealousy make you close your hands and strangle your flutterby or would you loosely and slowy open your palms in hopes that your flutterby would come back and....flutter by you. Most exciting things intrigue your rare creature and there might be a chance that it wont come back...Do you still vice grip your beautiful catepillar? Even if chance behold or my dumb luck your the flutterby never flutters by but stays hidden in a forest of enchantment seen by your eye but never in reach. What then would you men do? fight it? or... Go WITH the BREEZE. Breeze i tell you. Life is to short to have a stick shoved up your butt.

    Great ending i know....Better yet its a HAPPY ending hahahahah
    Sunday, August 27th, 2006
    1:17 am
    Havent updated in a long while. I've got a couple of things going on. Percussion camp has started and again im getting torn a new one. But this time it's ok because im getting a lot better and im WAY ahead of where i was last year, It sucks to have the rehersal stop just so the instructor can yell at me but, its ultimitly worth it. Im still working at Cincinnati Bell ( or Cincinnati Hell as i like to call it). Making some really good money. I need the money. gotta pay for school, help pay a $3000 car insurance bill (which is only for 6 months and not 12) Plus i cant shake the feeling that there is something going on with Holly. Either she's getting tired of me or shes liking some new guys. I dunno. i just cant shake it. Im glad i have band cause i dont have to think about it. But. Life keeps moving on. And so I do. I just keep trying even though my boss, instructor, and sometimes friends tell me im a piece of shit. Nothing good in life is ever easy. live by it, die by it.

    Thank you all and have a good night.

    oh and no witty or funny comments because it is too late at night and i still have to learn and memorize a cadence for tomorrow. fun!....sweet dreams

    Current Mood: tired
    Tuesday, July 11th, 2006
    11:35 am
    Well, I don't have much time cause i gotta work, so i'll make this short. I gotta say that last night was soo fun because i had a tickle match with Holly. It was more like she was tickling me and i was laughing all weird. It was just like we were kids again, and everyone needs that once in awhile. It just makes my heart open more, figuratively of course. ; ) I CANT wait to go to Myrtle Beach with her.
    Sunday, June 18th, 2006
    10:55 am
    Holly has been home just for the weekend and she is going back to london for 3 more weeks today. It has been sooooo great having her home again. I've loved every minute of it. I work monday through friday, so it was a nice break to have her home. I'm gonna go to the air port today to see her off and i already miss her. It's like i never want to let go, but you have to. I'm excited about all the fun stuff that could happen this summer...where is the money for a saphire when i need it? when? where? we will have to wait and see i guess

    Current Mood: satisfied
    Monday, June 12th, 2006
    7:09 pm
    I've been working a lot. It's good to make money again. Atleast i get the chance.
    Monday, June 5th, 2006
    10:00 pm
    Don't you love it when you have a really good day even though shit is falling all around you. The little things. texts, emails, love notes, or whatever it is. Things like that, plus more make you remember. Rememeber all the good and the love that you have. It's amazing. Thanks for a great day.
    7:42 am
    Boys are stupid and girls are dumb. Agreed?
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